Monday, July 19, 2010

The social aspect of being the guild mom

I've mentioned before that Jess is my WoW hubby and I am his WoW wife. Thus, this makes us sort of the dad and mom of our guild. I think something interesting that has surfaced lately is how the roles of the guild dad and guild mom play out in our interactions with guildies.

Now Jess has known for a while now that a lot of guildies whisper me during and outside of raids with little things whether that be suggestions, frustrations, annoyances, whatever. And I think it kind of irritated him a bit that people didn't come to him. But really what it is is that folks are really only going to go to Jess for the big serious things. If anyone wants to vent or gripe, they typically come to me.

I've also shared with Jess recently that I think part of this also has to do with the fact that I talk to people a lot more than he does. It's very common for me to have at least a small whisper conversation with 7 or 8 people within the 10 man raid. Some nights its every single person. Sure, some of the things I say could be done within the raid chat or over vent. But I think I do it in a way because I want to establish that personal relationship with everyone within the raid if that makes any sense.

Outside of raids, I also have many more personal conversations with people. A good part of this may be because I am particularly nosy and want to know what is going on with everyone. No, but seriously I think given how much time we spend together, and how long we've known each other, I'm genuinely curious about people's lives. I guess I like establishing that personal connection outside of just playing our pixelated toons together. I think these type of personal connections is part of why our little guild has been running together for over 3 years.

Thus, I've had some very personal and in depth conversations with people from everything to jobs, to family, to relationships. And in having these conversations, I also share a lot about myself as well. Its interesting though. I wonder if this social nosiness thing is easier or more accepted for me to do as a female. I mean I wonder if it'd be weird if Jess started to whisper folks and ask how their family was, or how their new job was, or whatever.

I think that there are a lot of similarities in how Jess and I interact with the guild to typical roles within a family. You tend not to really go to your dad with anything unless its really serious. And typically you tell your mom more personal stuff about what is going on, probably because she's the one who is asking "How was your day honey?"

Does your guild have a guild mom?


  1. I am my guild's guild mom. My hubby is the main Raid Leader and our GM is basically absent atm [but is the guild 'bad guy'].

    It's an interesting concept and it didn't used to be me. Not sure if I like it or not.

  2. Yeah, me! Hence my blog name :) Escept I'm in the UK, so it's Guild Mum, not Mom ;)

  3. @Askevar and Sephrenia: So do you two also play the more social role as well? Are you as interested about other people's lives
    (er nosy) as I am? Do people come to you with smaller issues before going to the GM?

  4. I'm not sure I'd be considered more social... hmmm...

    See they do come to me with all the little problems [which go to either the GM or my hubby if/as needed]. I am online more and I do tend to network a little more, but hubby talks more in depth with the people he socializes with. He and a couple of the other officers play Bad company 2 [a fps - I have an account as well but play it less].

    Hubby and I definitely work as a team.

  5. My guild has a guild mum... and it's not me :D Everyone tends to go to the RL, who is better than me at this personal stuff.

    I think I should start working on it though... I AM very curious about people's lives, but I feel very uncomfortable being nosy. What if they don't want to talk about it? What if it's personal information? I don't want to be told to gtfo. I don't want people to feel like they have to tell me something. Aaa panic etc. And I really, really dislike being "mean" to people (telling someone he's a bad player and he'll never make raider, telling someone to cut down on certain behaviors).

    I'm very happy someone else can do this instead of me. Since it's a mostly friends guild, we have divided responsibility more or less - I talk to my closer friends, she talks to her closer friends and everyone else.

  6. Yes, I am totally social. I know everything about everyone - their real names, where they live, their gender, their family, where they work, oh, everything.... I am TOTALLY inquisitive.

    Most guild "social" stuff goes through me, the guild "srs bsns" stuff goes to the GM (and he is welcome to it).

  7. I totally get this article. I think this is one main reason that Littlebark is guildless right now, because I haven't been able to find anywhere to fit in with "Mom and Dad". When Mr. LB and myself were leading After Hours, I was very much involved with everyone via whispers or vent. We got stuff done -but there was a family feel to the guild. Those of us that have Facebook added each other on there and it made it easier for me to go, "Oh hey, so-and-so! I saw you did (insert whatever here)." It became a personal guild, which made having to break it down that much harder. Tears were shed and a lot of gooey stuff too. But it was okay because it was more than just a raiding guild -it was an extended support team, with Mom and Dad and it's kid and the cousin that no one gets.

    And if I could? I'd go back to it in a heartbeat.

    Thank you, K. This post really made me think of the good old days. More guilds need a Mom in them. Because really? Loot is just pixels that won't mean anything in a couple of years. But if you're smart and work hard enough, the people you worked to get them will become some of your closest friends.

  8. Yes, our healing officer is the guild mom, and I get the fun of mothering her on occasion when she needs it... ::chuckle:: :)

    Hubby claims that makes me the guild Grandma... lol

  9. At one time, I would have probably said that I filled that role. But you know what? After 5 years of dealing with bullshit and every tiny little piece of drama I think I've become a bit less aproachable because there are times that I just want to relax and play the game too, and don't want to be bombarded the second that I log in. I've become a bit more jaded, I suppose!

    I don't think I fill this role anymore, although I can't really think of anyone else in the guild that maybe I still do. People still tend to come to me over Brade, I guess that perhaps I'm just a little less pro-active about reaching out to people than I have been in the past.

  10. @Askevar: It sounds kind of common that real life couples end up playing these roles within a guild. The odd thing about Jess and I are that we have still never met in RL and yet here we are WoW hubby and wife.

    @Jen: Sounds like lots of guilds do the divided responsibility bit. I think I tend to maybe feel more comfortable initiating these personal conversations because I am just as comfortable sharing stuff about myself. Jess is definitely more private than I am in that regard.

    @Sephrenia: Oooh, inquisitive. I like that word better than nosy. :)

    @LB: Awww... I'm sorry your guild broke down. Total tree sadness. I hope you and Mr. LB can find a new home to be the guild mom and dad for.

    @Kayeri: Hmmmm that makes me wonder if anyone mothers me within our guild...

  11. @Beru: Though its probably a million times harder to be the guild mom in a 25 man guild than it is in a 10 man guild!

  12. Oh, I don't know if I'd want to be guild Mom again. I think I'd like to find a place where I can hang casually without repercussion of not raiding 10-15 hours a week, with a guild Mom and Dad feel to the guild - like when I used to be in Lords (:. I miss the friendship more than I miss pounding my head on progression. I guess I miss my WoW hubby/partner in crime too and in a way that's why I haven't been able to fit in anywhere. *sigh* stupid MMO's, making us make deep connections!

  13. With our guild we have a male and female that co-GM, and it's become standard operating procedure to say, "you're not my Real Mom" when the guild mum redirects us in vent or chat. :)

  14. @LB: Totally. I don't think I ever realized when I first started playing this game how involved I would get. Its much more than just a game.

    @Hinenuitepo: lol! Now don't you go giving my guildies any ideas now!