Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Guild drama!

I think I've mentioned before how sometimes I think about what it would be like if my blog was completely anonymous. Sometimes you just want to vent or say things. Hmmm maybe there should be a common place/site/blog where all bloggers can go and post completely anonymous posts.

Thus, it's not that common that I feel comfortable blogging about guild drama, not that drama happens that often to us anyways. But alas! Guild drama! That I can blog about! Hooray! Though I'm not sure that I would even give this incident a proper drama label. It was too amusing and small... perhaps I shall call it guild dramette?

So about a week ago we had a new addition to the guild. He ran one raid with us before we ended up extending him an invite. Now immediately after he joined, I picked up on a couple things. This guy was incredibly chatty. Chatty on vent... chatty on guild chat... just chatty.

Now its not like our guild is full of cold bitches, but we're not a particularly chatty guild. Meaning we talk when we talk, and there are many of us who know each other really really well. But no, not every single person logging on has to get a hello. Not every single achievement has to get a million grats. And people don't get offended if they don't. It's just the way we are. We talk when we talk, and we don't when we don't. A lot of times people are just doing their own thing and there isn't constant guild chat.

Now this guy had also asked me a couple of times to come on vent to chat with him... and turns out he did that with another female guildie. I made up lame excuses each time... but uh... WTF?

Look, I understand that it may be a bit difficult to come into a small tight knit guild of people who have known each other a long time. And its not that we are elitist bitches. But a relationship of the depth that I have with people in the guild... a relationship of that sort takes time to establish and develop. It doesn't just happen overnight. You can't just ask me to come and chat on vent... like Jess or others could. You just can't.

So the final straw was that on Sunday this guy logged on and said hello, to which some folks responded. But then he asked how everyone was doing, and no one responded to that. About half an hour after that he guild quit, then logged off. Later that night it turns out that he also changed toon names.

Oh my goodness I was so amused by this. I mean it was clear that our guild culture may not have been the best fit for him. Through no fault of his own, we could have acknowledged that if he wanted a particularly social and chatty guild, perhaps we weren't the best place for him. Also if he was looking for a bunch of attention or to flirt with girls, we definitely weren't the right place for him.

But to not only guild quit erratically and not have the balls to actually say something... but then to be so "whatever" over all of this that you have to do a name change? Lawl. My guess is that he was a young kid... perhaps early 20s... clearly too immature to be able to man up and say when things aren't working and leave like an adult. I am just so so amused that he had to name change though... so that what we can't track him down?

Thanks bud, for a good laugh and the opportunity to blog about guild "drama".


  1. Oh I love guild drama. I generally try and help out or fix whatever drama comes up if I'm aware of it. Though I have caused a fair bit of my own. What a weird bit of drama you found though.

  2. Hey now, don't be calling early 20s a kid, that wasn't so long ago for me...

    People just aren't particularly chatty in text unless they're really in a chatting mood, throw on the problem of interfering with keybinds and it's not really reasonable to expect much talking. But emotions are known for their rational working through of a situation. Silence because you're busy or distracted looks exactly the same as silence because you're being unfriendly. Maybe vent was an attempt to get past that, since it's usually easier to talk than type. Though the particular subject matter would, matter.

    Not much to do about it now. Maybe you should make a macro for gchat: "Can't talk now, doing something more important than you." But you know, friendlier.

  3. @Sakaki: Yeah... the whole situation was just odd. It's probably a stretch to call it drama because it really wasn't that big a deal... but yeah.

    @Klep: Aw... virtual head pat for you. Nah, you're right people could behave that way at any age.

    I do think that he took our "ignoring" him personally... when really that's just the way we are.

    lol on the gchat macro!

  4. I was not going to comment, because I don't want to seem petulant or negative, but I decided to do so.

    Having been in your guild, almost completely for the desire to hang out with a bunch of people who I thought were pretty awesome, I can tell you that the guild definitely comes off as pretty unfriendly to those who don't belong. I felt very much like I was back in high school trying to fit in with the cool people, and that made me feel really icky for lack of a better descriptor. I ended up leaving, with a decided lack of dramatic flair purposefully, but I did have some hurt feelings over the whole situation.

    My comment is not to say that this person acted correctly, simply to say that I can definitely agree that your guild is very difficult to fit in with, and doesn't feel welcoming. If you are all perfectly okay with that, then no big deal of course, just wanted to give you perspective from someone who definitely was not trying to flirt with girls, just really wanted to be everyone's friend.

  5. @Shianti: I'm going to try to respond truthfully without being petulant or negative either, but honestly I find your comment quite negative and insulting to our guild so I'm not sure that I can completely refrain from being so.

    Of course every one has a right to their opinion, and not everyone fits in our guild. But we have had 5 new raiding guildies join and stay in our guild in the last 4 months, so our guild does fit for some people. We're not completely all cold bitches as your comment seems to imply.

    What I'm going to say from here on doesn't necessarily all apply to you personally, but its my reaction to many of the people who have not worked out in this guild.

    At the end of the day though, we're not a guild for people who need attention or need to be liked. The folks who join this guild join because they want to raid in a certain kind of atmosphere, but not because they need to be liked or need friends or need attention.

    Ultimately we are all adults, and the folks who last in this guild are not people who need their self esteem held up or massaged by others in the guild. People in this guild don't need to be liked. I keep saying this phrase, but I don't know how else to say it.

    Even though we are a small guild, we are not a social guild. We are still a raiding guild. And it is through the common interest of raiding together in a casual environment... at a reasonable level of progression... that friendships are formed over time. It doesn't happen over night. Or one week. Or even one month.

    I think the element of time is another important aspect. People who join the guild who do not raid regularly or have other toons that they share time with are probably not going to forge the relationships within the guild. I'm not sure though that that is of any fault of the guild.

    You have to put in the time online... not only in raids, but just shooting the shit in guild chat or doing 5 mans or whatever to get back something. When you're not on that often, its difficult to forge those relationships.

    I'm being honest here and feel like I have to defend my guild. And as my guildies know well by now that if I feel like I or my guild is being maligned, hell, I'm definitely going to have my say.

  6. I think a lot of the problem is that sometimes when you first join a guild you get *try too hard* syndrome. I know I'm guilty of doing that - I make a massive effort to read back over guild forums, to get to know people individually, talk in guild chat - more than I do once I know everyone and feel comfortable.. but I try and not be over the top with doing it.
    I think the problem is that some people don't actually get to know the culture of the guild before they leap in being overfriendly and overfunny. For instance we had a guy who'd just joined our guild post something on our forums that I personally found horribly offensive, and just hideous really.. and so when I told him that it wasn't appropriate, and a few others chimed in in agreement, he left the guild. If he'd bothered to find out what our senses of humour were like beforehand, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have posted.
    Back to my point (there is one, honest) I just think that if you get *trying too hard* from someone who doesn't understand the guild culture in an established guild, it's always going to be uncomfortable.

  7. As a later to the party member this guild works for me. It is about people who want to raid and put the time in to play their toon well and very little guild drama. I have been in guilds where I was GM and Raid Leader and I hated it, not because I wasn't good at it, but I like to show up and play. I am not going to blow sunshine up your ass with a lot of congrats and hellos and stuff.

    If you ask me about stuff I will tell you and I usually don't sugar coat it. If you want to chat on vent, I can talk your ears off. I still chat on my old guild vent cause they haven't kicked me off it.

    You can't walk in any place new and just expect it to be perfect. At the same time you have to have a thick skin too.

    We play to have fun in this guild and we try to avoid the inevitable screwjob that is coming raid way. I am also a founding member of Claw Con I. I am not as gruff as I appear and I think most know that.

    Why do I stay because I like the people. It is the main reason I still play. Once I find the woman of my dreams my raiding may go to zero but for now it is home.

  8. Useless, egocentric view.. Poor kid.
    He checked out the guild, the stance you take is a group mentality one. Its we.. Us.. no wonder..

    When you recruit people, you make sure and tell them what they can and cant expect.. I guess no efforts were made to welcome this member.
    Cold.. your very cold. This calls for empathy, but I guess you dont need that, you and your crew, for as long as you have each other haha

  9. @ Anonymous: ... not sure if your trolling, or just stupid.

    Hi K! Be home soon!